Regarding work, and the greener grass...

Sometimes, people make thoughtless comments which affect me somewhat unexpectedly. I'm pretty thick-skinned now, so i'm not running off and crying about it. While i know there's no malice in these people's intent, i find myself going over these statements in my head. Pain has been playing havoc with my sleep lately; so going over shit in my head while i'm trying not to give attention to Pain isn't really helping me sleep. 

I've been feeling very strong in who I am. I've found my voice again, reaffirmed my power. I accept my disability more than I ever did before: it's not that I like being disabled, but what's the point of wishing for something that won't ever be possible? I made friends with Pain, Disability is just another member of this odd social group of mine. Pain is the whining, whinging, screeching complainer of the group that never shuts the hell up; Disability is the pain in the arse who always needs accommodating. It is like the one who can't just order something off a menu, but insists on ingredients being omitted, others being added; food prepared in a certain and annoyingly exact way and sent back if it's not. Disability is the Sheldon of my group! I hate being that one, I hate drawing this type of attention. The only attention I want is for that which I worked hard, or for the fun and lighthearted things in life. I wish my disability was my secret: invisible, hidden - my own business, not for others to see. Because it is not, all I can do is shield myself behind brashness and laughs; deflecting my own deep shame and embarrassment, as well as unknowingly offensive comments from well-meaning people.

My story for National Pain Week in Australia and celebrating milestones...

Some months ago, I wrote my story for National Pain Week in Australia. It was something that really opened my mind up to writing this blog. When I looked back over all that had happened over the past years, I saw just how far I had come. And I realised that life will never again, be as difficult as those first years were.

It was a big thing for me, reaching this point. Back when I first started experiencing these strange symptoms and pain; I couldn't even contemplate next week, let alone a decade. I never thought I could do this, live happily and with so many good things in my life. And there it was, in black and white, all the things I had done over those years. Some very dark moments, some times of utter hopelessness and despair. But there were also some really bright and colourful times, some massive achievements and incredible experiences!

What a happy coincidence - having my 10 year anniversary during the first National Pain Week!! I often celebrate my anniversaries, buying myself a present, or doing something special. Some people thought I was mad, or being negative or depressing; to remember the day that changed my life so drastically. I don't care what they think - each year I survive another 365 days in pain is another year that some people don't have. Too many people take their own lives every day, to escape the harsh realities of living with uncontrolled severe pain.

Besides, I celebrate each milestone because I have done so much with the pain! Being in pain all the time taught me about life, about living each day to the fullest. It has made me who I am now, today. I know that there is no limit to what we can achieve if we set our mind to it. When you hit rock bottom, the only way is up! Some days, it's a major achievement to get out of bed or to get yourself dressed; other days it's learning a new and different way to manage your condition. Each of those achievements, no matter how small, should be celebrated!

Life with pain doesn't have to be a life of suffering! The world is full of colours to paint over the blackness of despair!

Some links: 

My story:
Making Peace with Pain - Chronic Pain Week

Chronic Pain Australia - check it out, it's an excellent resource!
Chronic Pain Australia