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Wednesday 29 November 2017

My body is a battlefield...

Musing meditations into the BPS model of Pain...





When you live with chronic pain, but moreso with CRPS; there are going to be times where the pain unfortunately is going to win more battles than you. Because CRPS turns your body into a battlefield. There are times when you can push the enemy back behind its lines, reclaim captured territory. But there is also the times where you are going to have the enemy incursion destroy so much territory that you need to relinquish it forever. It is a war that will be fought by me for the rest of my life. Sure, cures can happen any time, but it is unlikely. After 16 years of unrelenting pain and destruction, I wouldn't know where my limbs are in my sensorimotor cortex if pain and CRPS were to suddenly vanish. I barely know where they are right now. 

It's not that I don't wish for a cure - of course I do! But the chances of it being effective in my case right now are slim to none; an actual cure would always be more effective in the early stages, before the changes become more fixed. A cure may allow someone to not lose so much of their bodies and years of life to the disease. They could live a normal life again. There is no turning back for me, the life I live right now is my "normal life". Even if a cure would work for me, it would take a whole lot of rehabilitation and relearning basic skills before I could even function. Would all that be worth it in my case, just to not have pain? At this stage of the game I cannot, with 100% certainty, agree.